Friday 20 December 2019 by Dan Sweryt

Tories to introduce tax on shit Christmas gifts teachers receive from kids


teacher at xmas

Teachers are ecstatic to discover that the Conservatives will now be taxing them on all the crappy gifts that kids get them at the end of term.

The new old Conservative policy is to allow inequality generators ’wealth creators’ to profit massively, whilst making poor people pay for it through schemes such as this one that isn’t real but might as well be.

Full-time Head of Science and owner of two additional jobs to help him pay the mortgage, Simon Williams, said, “Woohoo! I can’t wait to have to pay my contribution for some shit bathroom smellies that little Jonny’s mum couldn’t even bring herself to use.

“Woopee-fucking-doo.

“In the past, all I had to think about was the logistics of getting all these mugs and unwanted chocolates past their Best Before date home.

“The mugs all say ‘Best Teacher Ever!’ on them which, if even partially true, should result in me having at least the minimum wage for the hours I work.

“Now I find I have to make a contribution to the government for said mugs and unwanted chocolates, otherwise I may be locked up for tax fraud.

“Mind you, at least that way I’ll be getting decent food instead of the shit that is affordable to me and my family.”

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