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As Christmas really begins in earnest, colleagues across the country have begun the time-honoured tradition of pretending not to hate each other return for free turkey and wine.
In pubs and restaurants everywhere, there will be people wearing paper hats and fixed grins as someone they vaguely know from IT gives a series of uninformed, faintly offensive opinions about Brexit but, as it’s Christmas, they will tolerate the whole sorry charade in return for an unlimited amount of House wine and some microwaved turkey.
“Yeah, I mean I’ve just spent three hours sat next to this woman called Enola who apparently works in Accounts,” said Simon Williams, who does something he doesn’t understand for IT consultants Tennant and Lowe Solutions.
“She just keeps going on about cross-stitch, if it hadn’t been for the turkey and a gallon of wine, I’d have clawed my own face off by now.”
Meanwhile, Eleanor Gay, an accountant from the same company found herself in a similar predicament.
“Tedious little prick,” she said.
“Simon something-or-other. Sounds like a made-up name to me. He kept going on about Grand Theft Auto. Couldn’t give a toss, mate. Thank God for wine.”
It is understood Simon and Eleanor spent the last hour of the evening enthusiastically snogging before going home together.
As colleagues across the country similarly pretend not to hate each other in return for free turkey and wine, it seems the true miracle of Christmas is not punching the idiots you work with square in the face.
