Friday 20 December 2019 by Dan Sweryt

Boris tells Northern Ireland not to worry because he will replace ‘Good Friday Agreement’ with ‘Great Friday Agreement’


Boris unveils Great Friday Agreement

Chief Fool of the UK, Boris Johnson, has assuaged Northern Ireland’s concerns about the possible end of the Good Friday Agreement by saying the Tories will replace it with a Great Friday Agreement instead.

Northern Ireland residents are cynical and many are quick to point out that Mr Johnson talks absolute bollocks most – if not all – of the time.

The PM himself said, “Despite freedom of movement and the customs union actually holding in all in place, the Good Friday Agreement was not, in essence, anything to do with the EU.

“As such, leaving the EU won’t be a problem.

“I mean, in a very real sense it will be a problem because of that pesky ‘reality’ we all live in. But, because of our democratic will of the people, it won’t be. In the same way as spending the money from your lottery win without having won.

“Anyway, I suggest we rip up the Good Friday Agreement, based upon compromise and facts and replace it with a new, Conservative-made Great Friday Agreement, based very much upon falsities and ‘have your cake and eat it’ wishes that probably contradict each other.

“I’m not sure, I haven’t really read it.”

The Great Friday Agreement will most likely then be replaced by a TFI Friday Agreement, as the political situation in Ireland is further trivialised with a fantastic sponsorship deal, to help pay for the fallout.

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