Thursday 19 December 2019 by Arabin Patson

Prick defends arsehole


prick defends arsehole

Music sensation Stormzy set off a twitterstorm yesterday after telling school children that Boris Johnson, a complete arsehole, was a bad man which in turn got Piers Morgan, an utter prick, to step in and rebuke the grime artist.

The phenomenon, whereupon total cockwombles feel a compulsion to protect each other, is a well-studied phenomenon that sociologists dub ‘Shitstain solidarity.’

Professor Simone Williams, from the University of Croydon’s pioneering Dickhead Studies department, explained that Piers Morgan would have had an overpowering urge to intervene after seeing a man telling youngsters how to identify malevolent fuckwads.

She went on, “It takes a lot to distract Piers Morgan from his favourite pastime of directing creepy observations at teenage starlets about their choice of clothes. But, as one of Britain’s foremost tosspots, he would have taken very personally the attacks on his fellow dipshit Boris Johnson.

“Once a person reaches a certain level of wankerdom, they are connected by a bond just as powerful as the one between a mother and her child. And gobshites don’t come any bigger than Piers Morgan and Boris Johnson.”

It is not the first time Piers Morgan has publicly put himself forward in solidarity with prominent talking sharts.

For nearly a decade, Piers Morgan has been a public advocate of Donald Trump, a US politician generally acknowledged to be one of the most odious cunts ever to have blighted this planet.

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