Thursday 19 December 2019 by Lucas Wilde

“I AM THE SENATE!” booms Sith Lord Trump


TRump says I am the Senate!

Donald Trump is feeling pretty confident about still being President despite a looming Senate hearing.

From under a dark hood, the orange menace cackled loudly and made clear that not even a Jedi could remove his Jabba-esque arse from the Oval office.

“I am all-powerful, folks” declared President Trump.

“How do you like this cloak? Kinda enigmatic, right? Well, that’s me. I’m enigmatic. Super-enigmatic. Ask anybody, they’ll tell ya.

“The do-nothing democrats want to form some kind of rebel alliance against me, well let them try. Let the hate flow through them, folks. I am afraid this death star will be quite operational by the time the senate hearings arrive.”

White House spokesperson, Simon Williams, said, “Yes, he binge-watched the Star Wars boxset yesterday.

“He was quite taken with Emperor Palpatine’s approach to democracy and immediately sent out an aide to go and buy him a big black cloak and ‘some kind of dohickey that will let me do that lightning thing’, the latter of which luckily wasn’t found.

“He’ll get over this once Die Hard comes on telly, then he’ll be wearing a white vest and calling everyone ‘motherfucker’, even more so than usual.”

“Here’s my CV. Please distribute it to literally anybody.”

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