Nicky Morgan will remain in post as Culture Secretary despite standing down as an MP in a move that Boris Johnson insists is a victory for democracy.
Boris Johnson has already started the process of taking back control from the undemocratic European dictatorship – by launching a dictatorship of his own.
“One of the reasons we need to get Brexit done is to break free from the shackles of those unelected bureaucrats in Brussels,” he explained. “Its an affront to democracy.
“The democracy that has just given me carte blanche to put whoever I bloody well like into government, regardless of whether anyone actually voted for them, or not.
“That’s why this glove puppet is now Minister for Social Mobility. He’ll be in charge of reversing the appalling inequality that infects our society. Worry not poor people, you’re in safe hands – all hail Lord Sooty! Just going to pop him in this drawer and leave him to it.
“I’ve also given a peerage to Jeremy Clarkson so he can be Minister for Climate Change. I have absolute confidence he’ll adopt a common-sense approach to achieving our target to be carbon neutral by 20…something, something.
“Also, turns out there isn’t any money to invest in the NHS after all. That’s because I’m setting up a new government department at great expense to the taxpayer – the Ministry of Cheese. Headed up, of course, by Zac Goldsmith – a terrible shame about his election defeat so it’ll be good to have him back in the team.
“Come on, let’s make this country better! For me and my chums anyway.”
Voter Simon Williams said, “Well, when you elect a dish mop as Prime Minister what do you expect?”