Tuesday 17 December 2019 by Arabin Patson

Left-wing satirists quietly rejoicing at years of guaranteed rich pickings ahead


Left-wing satirists delighted

Although they have been openly venting rage and disgust at Boris Johnson’s landslide victory, many political humourists are secretly looking forward to five years of jaw-dropping ineptitude, pompous grandstanding and colossal fuck-ups which they can mock with little to no effort.

Simon Williams a frequent writer on the spoof news website FactPunch, admitted feeling a mild sense of relief that he didn’t have to spend five years thinking of amusing ways to lampoon a Labour government.

He said, “Can you imagine trying to make light of the third tranche of compulsory share acquisitions of Network Rail? But Boris will probably legalise bear-baiting or sell Aberdeen to a shell company owned by Putin’s daughter.”

Mr Williams admitted that since Brexit, he and his peers had gotten a bit lazy.

“Sure, we could skewer the widespread social quirks of our society, but that requires skill. You need to be well plugged into the zeitgeist to be funny about CrossFit or microplastics, whereas with clowns like Mark Francois you can just post a photo of his ridiculous face, call him a fuckwitted bellend and you’re away. This Tory government will be a goldmine.

“Put it this way, the best we could squeeze out of Labour is Diane Abbot being shit at math and Corbyn making jam. Whereas I feel pretty confident that we’ll soon be getting reports of Boris Johnson getting his dick stuck in a hoover after a Cabinet meeting.

“We can just copy past BBC News articles, add in a few over-stylised insults and one of the millions of pictures of Boris looking like a wanker and we’ll have something to make people laugh.

“And trust me, people will be needing the chuckles in the next few years.”

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