Monday 16 December 2019 by Davywavy

Jeremy Corbyn to be knighted for services to the Conservative Party

Jeremy Corbyn to be knighted by Tories

The massive contribution made by Jeremy Corbyn to last Thursday’s Conservative victory is to be recognised in the New Year honours, we can reveal.

Paying tribute to the leader of the opposition, a Tory Party spokesman said “Nobody worked harder, or for longer, to ensure the Conservative party won than Jeremy Corbyn.

“Whenever he appeared on a doorstep, or his picture on a flyer, voters would take one look and say ‘Conservative’, and we’re immensely grateful for that and feel it should be recognised.”

Some commentators are already speculating Corbyn may be elevated to a seat in the Lords, like so many die-hard socialists before him.

“The Tories cram the Lords with people they know won’t oppose their policies,” said nobility expert Simon Prince-Williams.

“So it would certainly make sense to create him first Baron Islington.

“That way whenever people think of voting Labour again they can wheel him out to make a speech about nationalising cheese or something and shore up our vote.”

Jeremy Corbyn was unavailable for comment this morning after John McDonnell was seen going into his office with an ice pick.

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