Sunday 15 December 2019 by Luke Stevenson

‘We won the argument’ says leader of Alderaan


The leader of the recently-obliterated planet of Alderaan has claimed that despite their catastrophic defeat, the handful of survivors should all take comfort in the fact that they ‘won the argument’ with the Empire.

Commenting recently after the Death Star wiped out his home planet in a quick and decisive blow, Alderaan’s leader Jes’rah Corsyn said, “While it is disappointing to see hope erased and millions suffer, it’s great for us to acknowledge that, on an intellectual level, we won the argument with the Empire.

“We should take comfort in that, and know that deep down, the Empire knows we won the argument too. I bet that really sticks in their craw.”

When challenged on how the defeat now means the Empire can now roam freely, unopposed and harming many others, Corsyn added, “But they did it speaking our language, and I think that’s the real victory.”

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