After a stunning night at the polls, Boris Johnson was left unable to celebrate as he was rushed to hospital with an acute case of smugness.
“No, it’s not serious,” said Doctor Greene, speaking from Mr Johnson’s palatial private hospital made of gold.
“But it is certainly one of the most chronic cases of smugness that I’ve ever seen, and speaking as a physician who exclusively treats the rich, famous, and extremely fat, that’s saying something.”
Mr Johnson runs at a very high natural level of smugness, so it is really no surprise that this election result has triggered such a chronic attack.
The attack of overwhelming smugness came on at around one in the morning, just after the Tories took long-standing Labour seat Blythe, indicating a huge Tory majority was on the way.
“He was up and looking smug, very smug, smugger than usual, which is, obviously, dangerous for a man of the PM’s level of smugness,” said an aide.
“Then the Blythe result came on, and he just collapsed on the floor, giggling and repeating ‘I’m the ruddy best, ruff rah!,’ over and over again. It was very scary.”
Mr Johnson is expected to make a full and unfortunate recovery, and the nation has been warned to prepare for dangers of exposure to second-hand smugness over the next few months.
Meanwhile, Boris supporter have told voters, “You think he was smug, oh Christ, you haven’t seen the rest of us this morning.”