NHS given just months to live

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With the exit polls from today’s election indicating an impending Conservative majority, doctors have given the NHS just a few months to live.

Facing another five years of having Matt Please-Touch-My-Cock as Health Secretary, the NHS is not long for the world, according to the kind of experts Michael Gove likes to ignore.

Fresh from a fifteen-hour shift, underpaid junior doctor Simon Williams explained, “I’m still pretty new to the job, but even I can identify a terminal case when I see it.

“Sadly the NHS has been ravaged by the endless cuts of austerity, losing thousands of talented Europeans following the Brexit vote, and the threat of being sold off to Donald Trump, and now after tonight’s exit poll I’m afraid the future is a bit bleak.”

He added, “I hope everyone who voted Tory today has plenty of cash and no chronic illnesses, because when Trumpcare comes in and they have to stump up for medical insurance then we’ll find out just how much they can afford to have wanted to have had Boris as prime minister.

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“I guess someone should tell him he can safely can come out of the fridge now.”

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