“Get me some f*cking jam” demands Jeremy Corbyn

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Jeremy Corbyn needs some jam ASAP.

Following an exit poll that would make a proctologist wince, the (current) leader of the Labour Party wants to bury his face in the breakfast confection and weep quietly to himself.

”JAM!” confirmed Corbyn.

”Just hook it up to my veins and have done with it. The dream is over, and so is the NHS, by the way, but none of you gave a shit about that.

“For the many, not the few. But not this bucket of jam. This bucket of jam is mine. Sod off. Get your own.”

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A Labour Party spokesperson said, “We had to clear out Tesco of jam.

”Jeremy was annoyed that it wasn’t organic, but we told him it was the best we could do, which is similar to the sheepish line Jeremy will probably trot out tomorrow morning.

”I say ‘Jeremy’, it will probably be Keir Starmer. Jeremy will be out on his arse by sunrise.”