Senior representatives of the planet’s leading climate change and global warming denying organisations have met today in the Texan city of Corpus Christi, where the first International Smoke Summit has been inaugurated, an event that aims to counter the UN Climate Change Conference in Madrid.
The summit was arranged by the Global Climate Coalition – a group created by British Petroleum, Exxon, Shell Oil USA, Ford, General Motors and DaimlerChrysler among other large multinationals – to oppose the Kyoto protocol and CO2 reductions that experts claim are needed to reduce the greenhouse effect.
The grand opening of the event was used to unveil the group’s new spokesperson, chain-smoking Greta Thunder, the evil version of Greta Thunberg who is a heavily-pierced teenager who loves fur coats and fat cigars.
Thunder had broken into the convention centre riding a quadbike that spewed thick black smoke behind it, to the raucous cheering of those gathered.
“What a thoroughly pleasant temperature it is here in Texas, you sons of bitches!” Thunder shouted after taking off her helmet.
She then moved on to mocking her opponent, “We shouldn’t listen to the climate girl who travels the world just to avoid having to go to class and study with the other children her age! She is fake news!”
Thunder then assured the audience that she has “the definitive solution for global warming,” before taking a small fan out of her fox-fur bag. As laughter has filled the auditorium and saw every attendee on their feet, even Senator Ted Cruz dared to predict that “Greta Thunder will be the next president of the United States.”
Greta Thunder then promised, “I will personally take care of putting the climate girl in her place, when I find her I will blow all the smoke from this cigar in her face, strap her to the back of my quad and drive her back to school where she belongs!”
This article first appeared on our Spanish partner site El Mundo Today