Wednesday 11 December 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Boris Johnson hides in fridge with the rest of the gammon


Boris in the fridge with all the gammon

Boris Johnson has sought solace in a fridge, where he was accompanied by some other gammon.

The over-inflated honey monster felt the need for the nearest safe space after yet another news reporter took the absolute bloody liberty of asking him a question.

“Brrr, cold in here, chaps,” mumbled Boris, to some other unappealing bags of ham.

“Still, they’ll never come looking for me here. Not Andrew Neil, not Piers Morgan, not even Andrew Marr.

“I’m safe in the fridge of political solitude with the rest of the gammon.”

An aide for Mr Johnson said, “JUST FUCK OFF!

“Sorry…I’m sorry, it’s just a reflex when I see a reporter.

“But I take issue with the idea that the Prime Minister is hiding in the fridge. He is not. He is holding an important strategy meeting with like-minded individuals, some of which are gammon, some of which are cheese-based.

“But none of which are as cheesy as Boris himself, of course.”

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