The Liberal Democrats have been hailed as ‘lifesavers’ today, after it was revealed that every house in the country has received several sacks of election leaflets from the party.
The leaflets, which carefully omit any mention of Jo Swinson, have been delivered by the lorryload up and down the country – meaning that households will have large stocks of fuel, all ready for the Christmas period.
Charities are already thanking the party for their generosity in channelling funds to providing winter fuel instead of trying to win an election where they’ll only get six seats as usual.
“District heating incinerators are stuffed with tons upon tons of literature with ‘Only the Liberal Democrats can win here’ and some dodgy bar charts on them,” we were told.
“They’ve made a huge difference and almost certainly saved many lives during the recent cold spell.”
“The Libdems have made sure they printed several hundred leaflets for every man, woman and child in the country, which means the homeless have something to sleep on, nice middle-class people with wood-burning stoves have ample supplies of firelighters, and families have saved a fortune on wrapping paper for Christmas.
“And when the Liberal Democrat leaflets run out, we can start burning the forms for the second referendum the SNP have had printed, but which we’re clearly not going to have.
“That should keep us warm until spring and then we’ll have another election next year.”