Tuesday 10 December 2019 by Chris F

Labour activist’s finger announced as Anthony Joshua’s next opponent


Labour finger to take on Anthony Joshua

The index finger of the Labour activist shouting at Matt Hancock’s support team at a Leeds hospital will be the next opponent for World Heavyweight champion Anthony Joshua, it has been confirmed today.

The news came after the finger showed extraordinary power in spectacularly knocking out one of Hancock’s special advisors during a sell-out bout outside the Leeds General Infirmary yesterday.

“Totally floored him,” noted BBC’s boxing correspondent Laura Kuenssberg in her post-fight analysis.

“I haven’t seen a punch with that strength since attending the conservative Central Office Xmas bash with Nick Robinson.”

“I mean, technically, yes, I haven’t actually seen the Labour finger in action, but I have been reliably informed it completely overpowered its full-grown Tory opponent, and that’s enough for me to file copy.

“I can’t imagine anyone would lie to me about what happened, so what’s the harm in sharing the news with my social media followers?”

The finger had raised some eyebrows among boxing fans after choosing to enter the ring not to the traditional Rocky music but on a pedal bike and wearing a hi-vis jacket.

The fight night had earlier been marred in controversy after undercard contender Boris ‘The Eton Express’ Johnson was booed for ducking and diving, evasion and general twattery in a contest with an ITV reporter.

A spokesperson for Anthony Joshua said he had reluctantly taken the fight, admitting that for the first time in his professional career, he was genuinely worried about an opponent.

They went on, “That might change when we see some video of the finger in action, but having only read the Tory reports so far, this finger sounds like a total killer.”

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