Tuesday 10 December 2019 by Arabin Patson

Boris Johnson hopes recreating scene from Love Actually tricks people into forgetting he’s a twat


Boris Love Actually

Boris Johnson has used a party political broadcast in the style rom-com Love Actually to promote his party before the general election, in the mistaken belief it will erase all memories of him being a colossal twat.

Perhaps sensing that his lead in the polls was increasingly vulnerable, Boris Johnson appeared as the star of the broadcast, hoping against hope that it hides his record as a duplicitous shitehawk.

Seasoned observers of Conservative politics interpreted the move as Mr Johnson readying himself for a late surge in the polls by the opposition.

Although Boris Johnson is still known in the Foreign Office as ‘Benny Hill’s creepy cousin’, there is some evidence that acting like the bumbling sex-pest version of Andrew Lincoln has made him more popular among the general public.

Simon Williams, a council worker and simpleton from Uttoxeter, told journalists that the latest election video of Boris Johnson had made him reconsider his previous opinion of the gaffe-prone prime minister.

He explained, “I used to like him because he reminds me of my Nan’s dog. And he was funny on Have I Got News For You and when he got stuck on that zip line waving those flags.

“But I never really saw him as a potential Prime Minister. But now I look at him, I think he is the man to lead us through Brexit. I mean, he was Foreign Secretary, after all, and I presume he did a brilliant job at that.

“Don’t really follow foreign news, to be honest, but surely I would have heard if he turned out to be utterly incompetent and an embarrassment to the nation. Plus, I know his name and that’s what really matters to me.

“Yes, I voted Leave. Why do you ask?”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: