Monday 9 December 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Toffifee mysteriously appears on supermarket shelves again


Toffifee for Xmas

This year, as every year, there was mystery surrounding the recent arrival of Toffifee to supermarket shelves in the run-up towards Christmas.

The peculiar half-moons of caramelly weirdness first started appearing towards the end of November.

“Damned if I know where the bloody things come from,” said Simon Williams, a manager of a Tesco metro in Bolton.

“We just got in one morning, and there they were on the shelf. I didn’t order them. Why would I order them? They’re weird.

“Happens every year around late-November, just out of nowhere all these bloody Toffifee appears on the shelf. Always in the same spot. We have to spend the next month or so dusting them, because they’re a bloody magnet for dust, they really are.”

“Then, in January, we chuck them all in the bin.”

Mr Williams had a theory surrounding the arrival of the sweets to his shelves.

“I reckon that there must be some sort of time-vortex back to the seventies when people thought that Toffifee were a good thing. That time-vortex is right here on this shelf, and every year someone from the past accidentally stacks a load of Toffifee in the time-vortex and it mysteriously appears here.

“It’s the only bloody explanation I’ve got as to why any shop would stock Toffifee in 2019.”

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