Friday 6 December 2019 by Alex Webster

Single man displaying Christmas cards from his utility providers


Single man displaying xmas card from utlility provider

A single male from Bracknell has received more adverts disguised as Christmas card than actual Christmas cards but is nonetheless happy to display them around his home.

36-year-old Simon Williams, who lives alone and often thinks about writing a novel, had this to say, “From a distance they look very festive, but if anyone was to examine them closer they read things like ‘Heat your Ho Ho Home for less this winter’ and ‘all through the house – super-fast fibre broadband’.

“Every year my mum receives dozens of Christmas cards from friends and relatives all over the world. So many in fact that every flat surface in their house is covered in them, and they are hung in long strings on the walls like some bizarre trophy.

“I imagine that a string of Christmas cards is to mums what a set of quality power tools is to dads.

“Anyway, I suppose I’m happy to have my existence validated by someone, even if it’s only the marketing department that somehow got my home address and fed it into a massive mailmerge.

“The advent calendar from Pornhub was probably the icing on the cake, so to speak.”

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