UK reassured after beacon of honesty Donald Trump says US doesn’t want the NHS

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Britons fearful over a possible privatisation of the NHS, as a result of a post-Brexit trade deal with the US, have breathed a huge sigh of relief after Donald Trump, a man well-known for his unwavering honesty, said the US did not want to open up the health service to American pharmaceutical companies.

Sun reader and avid astrology fan, Simon Williams, was one of many Britons who felt completely satisfied that the NHS was safe from a notoriously predatory US medical sector now that a trustworthy moral authority had guaranteed the US had no commercial designs for the largest employer in Europe.

He went on, “I was worried about the trade talks and as sceptical of the government’s denials that the NHS was mentioned. But now that honest Don has given his word then I think we should leave the EU on WTO terms and completely rely on a possible US-UK trade deal to stop us from falling into a self-inflicted Great Depression.

“I’m sure that with Trump in charge they would never exploit our new weakness and force us to accept every one of their demands or face an economic collapse usually associated with countries run by soldiers wearing large sunglasses.”

The statements by Donald Trump have provided welcome relief to Conservatives dogged by suspicions that they want to privatize the NHS simply because many senior Tories literally wrote books about wanting to do so.

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However, preliminary polling reveals Donald Trump’s statement might not have resonated with key demographic groups like working mothers, under 40’s commuters and people who aren’t complete fucking idiots.