Boris Johnson has claimed that the 2006 Health Act which Labour introduced to prevent people smoking inside public places is directly to blame for climate change.
Never one to pass up an opportunity to politicise a crisis or tragedy, Boris’ latest claim is that the planet is being destroyed because Labour forced smokers out into the streets over a decade ago.
“It stands to reason,” explained Johnson. “All that pollution from cigarettes and cigars used to be absorbed into carpets, wallpaper and smoking jackets. Then Labour came along and kicked everyone outside.
“Where does all that smoke go now? That’s right – up into the atmosphere where it warms the…clouds and air and stuff…and then people in Africa die because it hasn’t rained for months.
“Over thirty million people starving to death because of Labour. Are these really the sort of people you want to let back into government?”
Boris went on to insist that many other societal problems are driven by historic Labour legislation.
“Of course, Labour is also responsible for all of the nation’s filthy hangovers,” he said.
“If you felt dreadful on Sunday morning it’s because Labour introduced the 2003 Licensing Act which allowed pubs to stay open after eleven at night. Which forced you to stay there drinking.
“They really do want to ruin people’s lives – I’m surprised they don’t just openly say so in their manifesto.
“So next time your head’s down the toilet pan, a horrible taste in your mouth, your face inches away from an unflushed turd, remember to think ‘vote Boris!’”