Saturday 30 November 2019 by Davywavy

Man who expected an eternity of virgins wakes up at warhammer convention


Warhammer convention

A man who expected to be rewarded with an eternity of virgins can’t understand why he’s fielding a painted army of Orks against Roboute Guilliman today.

Usman Khan, who was confidently expecting an everlasting reward of people who’ve never known the touch of another, is understood to be ‘confused’ after being handed the 8th edition Codex Astartes and told there’s plenty more reading when he’s done with that.

”I told them there’s only one book that you need to live a proper life and they replied it’s not been like that since second edition,” he said, “What the heck does that mean?

“And I explained that graven images are a sin and they said ‘only unpainted ones’. I really don’t understand this at all.

“Where is the tinkling of eternal fountains and lingering scents undreamed of by mortal man?”, he asked, indicating that he’s not been in the convention hall toilets yet.

When Khan asked if this was perpetual, his new friends looked confused for a moment before replying he could play Vulkan in their Horus Heresy campaign for the next rest of time if he liked.

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