As the standard-bearer of impartial journalism, the BBC is scrupulously evaluating Boris Johnson’s jam-cream approach to scone eating.
BBC spokesperson, Simon Williams said, “We apply exactly the same standards to all parties. After examining core pledges made by Jeremy Corbyn, his leadership and fitness to hold high office, we are doing the same with Boris Johnson, firstly by asking how his run went this morning.
“We then fully assessed his scone eating. It was notable that Boris added jam first. To be clear we at the BBC do not take any particular stance and we are aware that some scone eaters put the cream on first. We are simply reporting impartially and leaving the public to form their own views.
“We are certainly not simply adding legitimacy to this and other various artificially orchestrated events by the Tory campaign that seeks to portray Johnson as normal, as opposed to, well, not being normal.
“We can also confirm that the discussions for Boris Johnson to be interviewed by Andrew Neil are still ongoing. We believe after seeing Jeremy Corbyn’s interview, he is eager to be similarly scrutinised.
“Of course, we could have stipulated that no interviews would take place until all four leaders committed to a date, but it is entirely coincidental that the conservative campaign is now struggling to find a window in their busy election schedule to fit it in.
“We are sure it will take place. In fact, just as I’m talking, their campaign has just emailed offering any time after the 13th December.
“In the meantime, we will continue with our unbiased forensic scrutiny of the Tories over the coming days.
“We understand that Boris will tour another factory today. It will probably require him to wear one of those funny hair nets that makes his blonde mop stick out.
“I bet he gets his tie covered in flour, or something. Ah, BoJo. You funny bastard.”