Monday 25 November 2019

Tories promise two extra bank holidays next year by retaining the ones you already get in May


Boris Johnson on extra bank holidays

The Conservative party is facing criticism today after it was revealed that the ‘two more bank holidays’ they are promising for next year are actually just the ones you already have in May.

After Boris Johnson chose the manifesto launch event yesterday to outline details of his new ‘extra bank holidays’ plan, eagle-eyed viewers said the new bank holidays sound suspiciously like the ones we already get in the spring.

“Total piffle,” explained Boris Johnson.

He went on, “We are pledging to more bank holidays from next year for every single person in the UK. Do not listen to the experts with their paid-for counting skills, they will no doubt try to pretend this is fake news. But it is not, it is definitely two more bank holidays.”

However, calendar manufacturers have raised further questions the policy, given they are currently printing millions of calendars for 2020.

As one told us, “We have looked very closely at May next year and there are two bank holidays already. We asked for clarification from the government about these new bank holidays, and where they sit in the calendar, and they replied, “yes”. Not the most helpful response.

“After several hours of back and forth, it appears the new bank holidays are, in fact, the two bank holidays we already have. Apparently, by not taking them away from us, they can count them as ‘new’ ones. Yes, it left us all a bit confused too.”

Voter Simon Williams told us, “I’ll be honest, nothing really surprises me about this lot anymore, so the fact they are struggling to count using basic mathematics is no surprise at all.

“In fact, it almost explains why Boris can’t tell us how many children he has.”

“I voted Tory for a kinder, fairer society for all” – said no-one, ever – Get the T-shirt!

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