My favourite candidate clearly won the leaders debate, insists absolutely everyone

author avatar by 4 years ago
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Last nights leaders debate was won by the person you’d already decided to vote for, we can report today.

This result was backed up by the newspaper and websites you usually read, and about 80% of the people you chose to be connected to on social media.

Early polling amongst Labour, Conservative, and Lib Dem voters indicated solid victories for Jeremy Corbyn, Boris Johnson, and Jo Swinson respectively, whilst in Scotland ‘The National’ newspaper declared that Nicola Sturgeon had resoundingly trounced the other party leaders.

Guardian and Daily Mirror writers disagreed, giving a solid win to Jeremy Corbyn and claiming his performance demonstrates he is ready to become a world leader.

However, Conservative voters were unconvinced, saying the debates showed only Boris Johnson has the gravitas and skill to serve as Prime Minister.

Early polling after the event indicates a massive 0% of people changed their voting intentions as a result of the debate.

Meanwhile, reports indicate that none of the six remaining Liberal Democrats intend to desert the party ‘unless they change their minds’.