Nigel Farage’s leading politics company – The Brexit Party Ltd – is set to launch its manifesto later today.
A short document that is said to be a ‘contract with the people,’ it will be based around a central promise to invade France.
“I have always said that the only true form of Brexit is outright war with France,” explained bollock-faced foghorn of ignorance (Thank you Phillip Pullman) Nigel Farage.
“As such, if the Brexit Party is voted into government, we will endeavour to invade France within six months. That sounds a bit rushed, but it’s important that we maintain the element of surprise.
“For too long this rotten Parliament has ignored the will of the people and completely failed to start a war with France, or even one of the easier European countries, like Belgium.
“And, not only will we fight a war with France, but we will win. And when we have won we will ban garlic, rename Paris as New Ipswich and close down all cafes that refuse to serve Ruddles.
“Just like it was promised in the referendum.”
French President Emmanuel Macron has responded to the Brexit Party plans by rolling his eyes, shrugging and saying ‘Peu importe’.
Although the central Brexit Party Ltd policy will the be the invasion of France, other manifesto pledges include the repeal of decimalization, mandatory tweed jackets and stupid green flat caps, and doing whatever Mr Trump tells us to do.