Lying sack of shit claims people don’t give a toss about being lied to by sacks of shit

author avatar by 4 years ago

Dominic Raab, an amoral liar currently in charge of bankrupting Harry Dunn’s family for making too much of a fuss, has given the press his utterly worthless assurance that British voters could not care less about honesty or truth.

The Foreign Secretary was so adamant that nobody in the UK cares about being treated like easily-duped cretins that he took time off from his busy schedule, of doing fuck-all while the Chinese government tortures US consulate staff, to make his case in a TV interview.

He explained. “The real people I talk to every day when I’m not doing karate have all told me they think passing yourself off as a neutral party to spout off cheap attacks on your political opponents is absolutely fine.

“Hardworking families are too busy digging mines or whatever to give a toss about us thinking they are so bone-crushingly stupid that we can pull the online equivalent of putting on a bad German accent and talking in falsetto over the phone.”

Mr Raab, who gained prominence by claiming people who use food banks did so because they were shit with money, explained that passing off a Tory account as a fact-checker was justified.

He explained, “We had to do it as Labour was constantly denigrating the words of Boris Johnson, one of the most honest men I know and who most certainly doesn’t spout off stream-of-consciousness bullshit at such a rate he even can’t grasp the concept of empirical truth anymore.

“Just forget about that and listen to our utterly honest claims that Jeremy Corbyn will make the England flag illegal and put a tax on kittens.”