Prince Andrew to step back from whatever the f*ck it is he does

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The Duke of York is to step back from doing whatever it is he does with immediate effect, it has been confirmed.

The news comes after the Duke was heavily criticised following a BBC Newsnight interview in which he was questioned about his relationship with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.

In a statement, Prince Andrew said that he had asked the Queen for permission to step back from his duties and as she had no idea what it is he does anyway she had agreed to his request.

“It has obviously been a difficult decision,” said palace spokesman Simon Williams.

“But the duke has decided that for the time being he will stand down from his duties of playing golf, brokering backroom business deals with dodgy Saudi businessmen and hanging around at parties with convicted traffickers of child-prostitutes.

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“The Duke intends to embark on a period of soul-searching and reflection – specifically reflecting on whether appearing on national television dribbling bollocks about being at the Pizza Express in Woking was really a good move.”

It is understood that the Queen met Prince Andrew and, with regret, accepted his decision.

“The Duke spoke with briefly with his mother earlier today to request permission to step back his duties,” confirmed Williams.

“Her Majesty said ‘of course, no sweat’ and did one of those mic-drop gestures. I don’t know where she gets this stuff from, I really don’t.”

Meanwhile, members of the public have been left surprised at Andrew being allowed to slink off into the shadows where no-one can see him.

Voter Tracy Fowler told us, “I think we can all agree he’s at his most dangerous when we can’t see him.

“Let’s be honest, I think we’d all be better off, and our young women would be a lot safer, if he was given a high-profile job where he’s visible 18 hours a day, seven days a week.”