Jose Mourinho announces first Tottenham signing will be ‘London Routemaster’

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New Tottenham Hotspurs manager Jose Mourinho has told club officials to spare no expense in trying to sign one of London’s Routemaster buses on a long-term contract.

Although he is unlikely to officially take charge until later today, Mourinho has set out a list of transfer targets topped by the instantly recognisable London bus.

“Anyone who has paid attention to my career will know that a large bus, strategically place, is important for any successful defence,” Mourinho told reporters.

“Much of my success is based on having a decent sized bus to put behind the ball whenever necessary, and I want Tottenham to have a decent bus of their own. Something from which we can build.

“I would have preferred to have a homegrown bus that the fans think of as their own, the 259 or 279 maybe, but it might take a few years to get one of those, so right now we should just go out and buy the biggest London bus we can find.

“Ultimately, I know what a London Routemaster is capable of, I trust it, and I know the fans will come to love it in the way the Chelsea and Man Utd fans did.”

Tottenham fan Simon Williams was not enthusiastic about the new signing.

He told us, “I was hoping for Kylian Mbappé, so this was some way down my list of dream signings.

“I’ll be honest, I really don’t like the sound of Mourinho parking the bus at Tottenham Hotspurs Stadium – Christ, has no-one realised it plays in Arsenal’s bloody colours?”