Made-up Labour spending plans could cost a squillion bazillion pounds, say Tories

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The Tories have issued a warning that a set of entirely fictional spending plans from Labour could cost a squillion bazillion pounds.

The made-up spending plans including giving everyone a hundred pounds a day, free chips, and launching the entire country into space.

“I mean, these spending plans are simply crazy,” scoffed Michael Gove, a funny little goblin who simply won’t go away.

“Launching Britain into space would, in itself, cost at least a bajillion pounds and it doesn’t really matter if Labour has no plans to do it, the fact remains that if they did choose to do it, it would be entirely funded by the UK taxpayer.

“Which is why you simply can’t trust them.”

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Tory supporters were incredulous at the latest news.

“These made-up spending plans are complete lunacy,” explained Simon Williams, a credulous buffoon and sexual deviant who has been a member of the Conservative Party since 1867.

“I simply can not understand why anyone would vote for a party that plans to use public money to research the viability of magic carpets.

“Regardless of whether or not this is a genuine plan of theirs, or not, voting Labour is just throwing ten-pound notes into the toilet over and over again.

“We should all just do as we’re told and vote Tory.”

It is understood that the Labour party is currently in the process of formulating a response to the wildly inaccurate Tory warnings and should have something ready to be put to conference by next Autumn.

I’m voting for the side with the fewest arseholes – get the t-shirt!