The Duke of York claims he couldn’t possibly have been in Buckingham Palace being interviewed for Newsnight because he was in South Wales at the time chowing down on a Football Special.
Allegations that Prince Andrew gave a ‘car crash’ interview to the BBC’s Emily Maitlis have been dealt with head-on by the Duke of York.
“I distinctly remember not being there at the time,” he explained.
“I was actually in an extremely strange place when the alleged interview took place – Wales. To be precise, the Swansea Burger King.
“I know that sounds completely made up but that’s the very reason I remember it so distinctly – it was just so unusual for me to be in such a random and yet highly specific place.
“I even recall what I ate – the Football Special; I remember thinking ‘what on Earth have these bizarre onion doughnut things got to do with football?’”
Prince Andrew also deftly fielded the accusation that he sat opposite Ms Maitlis in a chair.
“There’s a problem with the chair aspect of the story,” he said. “I haven’t actually been able to sit on chairs since the Falklands.
“As you might imagine, being shot at is a terrifying experience. I clenched my buttocks so tightly as it happened that they are now permanently squeezed together – if I attempt to use a chair I simply roll right off.
“I’ve got absolutely no balance in the bottom department.
“It’s just as well I’ll probably never have to sit on the throne as it would be a disaster for all concerned!”