Friday night saw Children in Need raise an incredible £47.9m, which is almost half the amount Boris wasted on a vainglorious ad campaign for a Brexit deadline he knew he couldn’t achieve.
As generous viewers across the country pledged tens of millions to help those children most in need across the country, Boris sat at home safe in the knowledge he’d spunked more than double that amount on the ad campaign for his aborted vanity project.
A government spokesperson told us, “No doubt people will try and spin this into a story about how this government wastes money hand over fist on needless projects when it could be spent much better elsewhere – but we take a different view.
“We think it shows how tight the British public is that they can only donate about half the cost of a single national advertising campaign. It’s their fault really.
“The lesson to be learned here is that it’s really important that the public digs deep to give money to the causes they feel are important because heaven knows we’ll certainly never use any of their tax revenue to fund these things.”
Viewer Simon Williams told us, “I donated a tenner, because that’s all I can really afford to be honest, but it’s nice to know I played my part.
“Still, I’m not sure ‘half of Boris’ aborted ad campaign’ is the best way of articulating how much money was actually raised in taxpayer money terms.
“I find it easier to say it was about 15% of the cost of refurbishing the Buckingham palace, or 0.3% of the cost of replacing Trident – those figures are much easier to comprehend.”