Dad to read out loud every item on the menu before ordering

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It has become apparent that Dad intends to read out loud every item on the menu before making a decision on what to order for lunch.

Although some items will also come with an anecdote about when he ate something similar, it is still unclear whether this will prove mandatory for every item.

Dad received the menus on behalf of the family shortly after confirming that he wanted tap water and not bottled water, because it’s free.

“Garlic mushrooms in a panko crumb,” he announced shortly after perusing the menu.

“A panko crumb? What’s that? I like garlic mushrooms though. Do you remember Jen, we had those garlic mushrooms in Kendal in 1999?”

“1998,” corrected your mum.

“Oh, that’s right ’99. Didn’t have a panko crumb though. Don’t know what that’s about.”

It was as he announced “black-pudding scotch egg – very heavy for a starter,” that suspicion began to grow that the entirety of the menu was to be read out loud.

This was confirmed as he moved on to the third item on the appetiser portion of the menu.

“Soup of the Day – do you remember that time, Jen, in that bistro in Carnac, they had soup du jour and I kept calling it ‘soup du jour of the day’ which is funny because ‘du jour’ means ‘of the day’ so it was soup of the day of the day.

“Hilarious. Ooo, whitebait.”

It is expected that you will be able to order your meal in about an hour, by which time, even the old looking Tesco value olives in the centre of the table will seem appealing.