Completely innocent man rues accidentally surrounding himself with criminals

author avatar by 5 years ago

Completely innocent President of the United States Donald Trump has once again been left surprised at the fact one of his closest advisers has been found guilty on several federal charges.

As Roger Stone was found guilty of lying to Congress, obstruction of justice and witness tampering, Donald Trump took to social media to express his complete surprise that yet another close associate is now a federal criminal.

“This is crazy,” he is said to have told a White House aide, “How do these criminals keep on getting jobs in my inner circle?

“I can’t understand how someone as innocent as I am – which is completely innocent by the way, so innocent, totally – can be surrounded at all times by people who keep being found guilty of serious crimes.

“Anyone from the outside looking in might jump to the conclusion that someone surrounded by criminals is also a criminal, but obviously that’s not the case because I am a completely innocent man who just happens to be surrounded by criminals.

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“I can’t believe Roger is also guilty, the same way I couldn’t believe Paul Manafort was guilty, or that Michael Cohen was guilty, or that Michael Flynn was guilty, or that George Papadopoulos was guilty, or that Rick Gates was guilty.

“But even if you believe that they are all guilty, then the obvious conclusion is that I am innocent, because what sort of idiot would knowingly surround themselves with so many criminals?

“Not me, because as you all know, I am a very stable genius.”

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