Wednesday 13 November 2019

Yorkshireman puts visiting Boris Johnson to work in flood defences as replacement sandbag


Boris put to work in flood defences

Boris Johnson has been put to work as part of the flood defences outside a Yorkshireman’s house this morning, despite hoping for nothing more than a warm handshake and a photo opportunity.

Boris took time out from his busy schedule of fibbing to the nation in order to visit flood-stricken Fishlake in south Yorkshire, though his welcome was not a warm one.

Resident Simon Williams told us, “I made it clear, he was only welcome if he helped, and that we were short of sandbags. I looked at the sandbags, then back at him, and it soon became clear that the best way he could help us was by taking the place of a couple of bags outside my house.

“He was reluctant, something about his suit and hair, but when every resident here said it was the only way we’d ever vote for him, his advisors said he should do it, even if only for a short time.

“It won’t be a short time. I’m about cement the bugger in there.”

Another said, “I’m sick and tired of these bloody politicians wandering around places suffering disaster, only to offer platitudes and handshakes and photo opportunities.  It makes a refreshing change to see one actually contributing. And I don’t want to play up to stereotypes, but that’s a couple of sandbags we don’t have to buy.

“Yes, he’s only contributing as much as a big bag of sand – but that’s probably the most meaningful contribution he’s made to Yorkshire since he became the prime minister.”

After being in place for a couple of hours, Boris told residents, “Ruff-rah! Any chance one of you fine chaps could let me out now? Hello?

“Anyone?”

The only place I’d Back Boris is into a volcano – get the T-shirt here!

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