Wednesday 13 November 2019

Tories drop behind Labour in the polls after Boris filmed absolutely butchering a cup of tea


Boris made a TERRIBLE cup of tea

The Tory party has suffered a dramatic collapse in support after prime minister Boris Johnson was filmed putting the milk into a cup of tea before taking out the teabag.

The fall in popularity has left Conservative Campaign Headquarters scrambling to put in place contingency measures to stop the rot.

As one insider told us, “We’ve tried dismissing the video of Boris putting the milk in before taking out the teabag as fake news, but the fact that we’re the ones who shared it makes that difficult.

“Telling voters that the latest evolution of deep fakes is all about making it look like there is a teabag still in a cup isn’t really convincing anyone.

“We’ve got another film of Boris making a cup of tea – correctly this time – but we fear it might be too late to undo the harm he’s caused us.”

Voter Simon Williams told us, “I’ve never minded Boris, he seems alright – in a bumbling idiot kind of way – but the desecration of that cup of tea is something no right-minded Englishman could ever overlook.

“I can accept his adultery, his shagging around, his lying on buses, his waste of tax-payer money to get laid – all of it – but nothing can excuse an Englishman making such a terrible cup of tea.”

Political analyst Jake Matthews told us, “This isn’t a new phenomenon. You have to remember, the only reason Ed Miliband never became prime minister is that he couldn’t eat a bacon sandwich to a satisfactory standard.

“The fact Boris fucked his election chances by making a truly awful cup of tea should surprise no-one.”

“I voted Tory for a kinder, fairer society for all”, said no-one ever – get the t-shirt!

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