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The Conservative party put out a “unique” election broadcast last night.
The footage follows Boris Johnson around a building, awkwardly answering questions about his favourite foods and favourite bands in a doomed attempt to make him seem human.
“I should not have told him to act natural,” said director, Simon Williams.
“The minute I said that, he tried to fuck a pot plant, which we’ve cut out from the film and nobody should ever have to see.
“Then he walked up to a black colleague and said ‘what’s up, my n-word’, which again we had to cut.
“Honestly, I think Scorcese’s entire back catalogue generated less cut footage than this one short video.
“So what you’re left with is a man who doesn’t know how to position himself in front of a camera while walking and talking at the same time while awkwardly mumbling about fish and chips on a cold beach.
“I’m sure that will bring the votes flooding in.”
