Tuesday 12 November 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Nigel Farage does as he’s told like a good chap


Nigel Farage does what he's told

Establishment toady and Brexit Party leader Nigel Farage has today done as he was told to like a good chap because he knows his place.

Following a week of bluster and nonsense about standing candidates against his betters in the Tory party, Farage has agreed to do as he’s told and stand those candidates down.

“Should damn well think so as well,” exclaimed Sir Simon Beaufort-Racism-Williams, a 109-year-old retired Colonel and Tory MP for Upper Tinypenis in Surrey.

“Oik getting ideas above his station just because we’ve let him have a bit of a shout about those darkies in Europe.

“Damn fool should know his place and remember who his betters are.”

Having announced his capitulation publicly, Farage was suitably contrite.

“I don’t really know what came over me,” he told the gathered reporters.

“Naturally, this country should be run by elites like Mr Johnson and, to a lesser extent, Mr Gove.

“The likes of me and everyone else should remember our place and just do as we’re told.

“So, when Mr Johnson says that the new Brexit deal is very good and not just Theresa May’s deal with a bit less control taken back, then we should all just say ‘Thank you very much Mr Johnson, Sir,’ and go about our business.”

It is understood that Farage will follow up his plan to stand down the candidates by changing his party’s name to ‘The Brexit Means whatever Mr Johnson says Brexit Means Party.’

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the T-shirt here!

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