In an election development which can only be described as ‘game-changing’, the Liberal Democrats have promised every British citizen a nice clean pair of Christmas Eve PJs.
Since the launch of their election campaign, the Lib Dems have captured the headlines with expensive promises such as the provision of free childcare for children from nine months of age, and a pledge to pump an extra £10 billion a year into the education system.
However, today is the day when Jo Swinson really became a viable candidate for Prime Minister – if she gets into Number Ten then every man, woman and child in the UK will receive a pair of cosy M&S flannelette pyjamas on Christmas Eve.
“This is a fundamental pillar of our plan to produce a fairer Britain,” explained Swinson.
“The initiative will only cost around £1.5 billion and will ensure that people from all walks of life get to experience a feeling of warm, fuzzy comfort on the most magical night of the year.
“It’s probably hard for the Tories to believe but some people have never been tucked up in bed all warm and snug, feeling safe and secure as they listen to the rain pattering on the window.
“Our goal is to stop Brexit and tackle the underlying reasons people voted for it. Many poorer people who said they wanted to leave the EU were simply lashing out because they felt disenfranchised. Well, who on earth could feel disenfranchised while wearing slightly itchy luxury nightwear?”
Boris Johnson said the Lib Dem proposals were unaffordable.
“If, God forbid, the Lib Dems got into power then they’d be inheriting a national debt of over £2 trillion!” he said. “How the hell will they be able to buy everyone pyjamas then? It’s bloody nonsense!”