Monday 4 November 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Lib Dems could be real force at this election claims obviously drunk Jo Swinson


Jo Swinson obviously drunk

With a new election announced for December 12th, party leaders have been making extravagant claims about their party’s prospects.

None more so than Jo Swinson who, on Wednesday, raised a number of eyebrows by claiming that the Lib Dems could be ‘a real force this election’.

However, the reason for her preposterous claims became clear throughout the day – she was incredibly drunk.

The first clue came during an interview with ITV when she referred to the conservatives as the ‘conservatories’.

In a later Sky News clip she was asked how many seats she expected her party to win and responded ‘a bajillion’.

Her inebriation was confirmed on the six o’clock news when she vomited into a bin, punched Chris Mason in the face, and walked off shouting ‘Where’s the nearest f**king offy, you c**ts’.

“I did think it was a bit weird to say that the Lib Dems could be a force in the election,” said Simon Williams, a Lib Dem whose favourite colour is grey.

“I mean, we can’t.

“But, it’s all become clear now. She was as pissed as a parrot. That’s the only way that anyone could ever say that.

“I’m sure she woke up the next day with a sore head and the familiar crushing realisation that, regardless of what the polls say, we won’t win more than twenty seats or so.”

Ms Swinson follows a long tradition of drunken, extravagant election claims from a slurring Gordon Brown in 2010 claiming he could ‘beat the shit out of that weasel Cameron’ to any Tory who ever claimed to ‘put the country first’.

I’m voting for the side with the fewest arsehole – get the election t-shirt here!

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