Losing seven times in a general election is probably enough, admits Nigel Farage

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Brexit Party chief executive Nigel Farage has insisted he will not be standing at the forthcoming general election, insisting that losing seven general elections is probably enough for anyone.

Farage told Andrew Marr that he had thought long and hard about standing again, but that ultimately, the scars of finishing behind a guy in a dolphin costume were just too much to bear.

He went on, “Yes, the Brexit party is doing well right now, and I’m sure if I cherry-picked the perfect constituency, I could possibly – just maybe – become an MP at the eighth time of asking.  But I’ve thought that before – this ain’t my first rodeo.  The eighth time is not always a charm.

“Let me tell you, standing there when the results get read out by the returning officer, knowing every camera is on you, knowing that everyone watching has seen you insisting for the last four weeks that this time is the time – it all gets a bit much to be honest.

“The first loss hurt quite a lot, I’m happy to admit.  The next couple were also pretty painful, but once you get to five losing attempts to become an MP it starts taking a real toll.

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“Standing on stage in South Thanet next to Al Murray’s pub landlord as I lost for the seventh time, I swore to myself I wouldn’t put myself through this again, no matter how confident I got.

“People think that just because I’m happy lying in public and telling falsehoods to the voting public, that I must have no soul.  Well, they’re right, but losing so consistently and predictably is fucking embarrassing.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!