Saturday 2 November 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Downing Street laundry set to work late cleaning Boris’ beshitted pants following Farage announcement


Boris shit the bed

The Downing Street laundry will be working late tonight in order to clean the catastrophically beshitted underpants of Prime Minister Boris Johnson.

According to reports Mr Johnson shat his pants in epic fashion following an announcement from fellow bastard Nigel Farage that condemned the current Brexit deal and confirmed that the Brexit Party would stand candidates against the Tories in a huge number of constituencies.

“I was actually present at the time of the beshitting,”confirmed a Number 10 aide.

“There was a few of us with the Prime Minister as we watched Farage give his speech, and when he said that he would stand Brexit Party MPs against Tory MPs across the north there was a brief moment of silence followed by a deafening farty sound, as if someone had hit a duck with a mallet.

“Then the smell hit. I haven’t smelt something that bad since Bill Cash last gave a speech. Michael Gove vomited into a bin.

“After we got some air into the room, I called the laundry and let them know that they would be working late.”

Simon Williams is head of the Downing Street housekeeping team.

“Happens more than you’d imagine,” said Mr Williams.

“You should have seen the state of Theresa May’s drawers after the 2017 election result.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve just got to go and clear Sainsbury’s shelves of Persil.”

It is understood that Mr Johnson’s aide has already purchased the Prime Minister a giant nappy in anticipation of any new opinion polls that factor in the Brexit Party.

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