Friday 1 November 2019 by Davywavy

Nigel Farage announces plan to ensure the Leave vote is completely split


Brexit Party to split the vote

The Brexit Party will stand in all parliamentary seats at the forthcoming election to ensure the Leave vote is split and Brexit doesn’t actually happen, they have confirmed this morning.

Speaking to a line of nodding dogs at the official launch of the Brexit party election campaign, Farage told party members that if they didn’t stand for election in every contestable seat there was a genuine risk of a Conservative majority and that Brexit might actually happen.

“If the UK were ever to actually leave the EU, then the publicity and grievance-money which I love so much would dry up completely,” he continued.

“I’ve had a solid twenty years on the rebel gravy train and I’m damned if I’m going to let Boris Johnson ruin that now by getting me what I say I want.

“And that’s why I’m going to be spending both the time and money of my loyal supporters to ensure that it doesn’t happen.”

When asked, Boris Johnson said that he wasn’t concerned about the Brexit party splitting the vote as frankly he doesn’t much want to leave either.

“That’s really Jeremy Corbyn’s thing, not mine,” he said. “Gadzooks!”

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