Apprentice losers cafe closes for the day after Katie Hopkins is spotted approaching in a dressing gown

author avatar by 4 years ago

The cafe that hosts the losing team at the end of each episode of The Apprentice has closed for the day, it has emerged.

Staff at the cafe have been on high alert after the former contestant pledged to drink a pot of tea, naked, with Farage’s face covering each nipple, in the event of the UK failing to leave the EU yesterday.

Visibly shaking with fear, waiter Simon Williams told us, “We’d sort of hoped that this was just another empty threat, like when she said she’d run naked down Regent Street with a sausage up her bum if Sadiq Khan became Mayor of London. We never thought she’d actually do it.

“But then my colleague Carla saw her getting out of a taxi out the front of the cafe, dressed apparently only in a dressing gown, with a face like thunder, and clutching a couple of nipple tassels with Nigel Farage’s face stuck to them.”

He continued, “After instantly vomiting with fear and disgust she pulled down the shutters and wedged a table against a door.

“And now we’re huddled inside, in the darkness, pretending we’re out. Which is quite fitting, given that was Halloween yesterday. Give us trick-or-treaters any day.”

Katie Hopkins is believed to have left the area now, and is understood to be drafting a whiny tweet that naturally blames Sadiq Khan for her failure to deliver on her promises.