Thursday 31 October 2019 by Lucas Wilde

“Still here then?” chuckles EU


Juncker and Barnier

Britain didn’t leave the EU today, much to the amusement of the EU.

Despite the lofty promises of Boris Johnson that he would rather be “dead in a ditch” before failing to leave the EU on October 31st, Britain is very much still in the EU today, October 31st.

“Oh, you lot are still doing ze staying?” said stereotypically French MEP, Simon Le Williams.

“‘Ow funny. You have told us to piss off roughly seventeen times now and yet ‘ere you are, ‘anging about ze doorway like a husband at an ‘ouse party who ‘as told iz wife he is tired of ‘er shit and is going home without ‘er.

“Perhaps you would like a snack while you are waiting? May I offer you zis particularly straight banana? Hahaha.

“I am zorry. Izza joke. I ‘ope your parliament sorts itself out.”

Conservative spokesperson, Simon Williams, said “no relation.

“But yeah, we’re all trying not to think about it and just focus on the election at this point, which is going to be equally tedious.

“Working for the Conservative government is like being hungover at the moment. Constant headaches, feelings of regret for what we did the night before and a vague desire to be dead.”

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