Thursday 31 October 2019 by Davywavy

Furious Britons still unable to purchase bendy bananas


Brexiter straight banana

British shoppers have woken up today to find bendy bananas are still off the menu, according to reports.

The delicacy, whose ban by prod-nosed Brussels bureaucrats excited one of the largest electoral and democratic upheavals in modern times, are still unavailable in pounds and ounces – or any other weight or measure –  despite repeated promises to the contrary.

Kettering shopper Simon Williams had camped on the pavement outside his local Budgens for a special opening at midnight in order to become the first British person in a generation to legally buy the forbidden fruit.

“I’m gutted,” he told us.

“I’d got my sleeping bag and a trolly to fill with the sweet, sweet bananas of freedom and now I’m going to have to tell my kids I’ve failed.

“How can anyone think that their tears are worth all this? Why can’t we just have the bananas we were promised?”

Experts predict an increase in banana-smuggling, as Chinese snakehead gangs bring in unregulated third-world bananas to sell to consumers desperate for a fix.

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