The twelve days of Christmas has been rejigged for a Christmas general election.
To the horror of absolutely everyone who isn’t Ebenezer Scrooge, a general election has now been formally called for December 12th – right around the time everyone has mentally checked out of work.
The British electorate is coping with their dismay with what is known as “the Simon Cowell approach” by ruining a well-loved song.
“Four Bercows shouting, three Rees-Moggs sleeping, Two Lib-Dems lying and a parliament with no majority…” sang Simon Williams.
“I love the next verse. Five Johnsons shagging. Even though it makes me do a little sick in my mouth.
“If there’s one thing we British excel at, it’s taking a dismal concept such as a Christmas election and making merry about it.
“If those bastards in parliament are going to take a massive dump on our mince pies, then we’re firing back with a satirical sing-song.
“Maybe we can get it to the Christmas number one. It’s technically shite but then so is whatever the X-Factor pumps out this year that I haven’t heard yet.”