Keith Vaz still an MP for some reason

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Keith Vaz is still, astonishingly, an MP, according to reports this afternoon.

Despite scandals ranging from 2001 to today’s alleged cocaine-fuelled sessions with rent boys, “Vazeline” steadfastly refuses to have anything stick to him.

“Really?” said Jay Cooper, an astonished member of the public.

“I assumed he’s been let go roughly around the time Jif changed its name to Cif, which is another thing I remain surprised by.

“He’s still there, is he? After all of that? Blimey.

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“I got fired from my last job for using the photocopier for personal reasons.

“Granted, that personal reason was photocopying my own arse at 11am on a Monday, but it’s still not as bad as allegedly buying cocaine for some male prostitutes.

“I wish I was an MP, it sounds terrific.”

Labour spokesperson, Simon Williams, said, “Keith Vaz has been suspended pending an enquiry.

“Yes, he would have been let go immediately if he worked in retail, hospitality or in an office, but I’m afraid the expected standard of behaviour for MPs is much, MUCH lower than for the people who vote for them.

“I thought you knew that?”