Thursday 24 October 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Unnamed Downing Street sauce revealed to be tomato


ketchup is the unnamed downing street sauce

After days of criticism about an unnamed Downing Street sauce, the government has decided to make clear exactly what that the sauce is – tomato.

The tomato sauce is a ketchup, it’s not Heinz but is an own-brand tomato sauce from a leading high-end supermarket.

“Well, that’s certainly cleared everything up and I for one am perfectly happy,” explained Simon Williams, a ‘reporter’ at The Daily Telegraph who does precisely as he’s told.

There had been considerable controversy over recent days about stories that feature an unnamed Downing Street sauce being reported in the press unchallenged, and therefore potentially lacking credibility.

“Personally, it didn’t bother me,” continued Mr Williams.

“If I’m told something by Boris and his team, then I’m sure it’s true and requires no further scrutiny.

“I must confess though, I was surprised to find out the unnamed Downing Street sauce was tomato, I’d have bet that it would have been something creamier like a béchamel or even a simple mayonnaise.

“Boris just looks like a creamy sauce man.”

The nature of the unnamed Downing Street sauce was revealed to the press by an unnamed Downing Street source.

So, there’s no problem there, then.

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