‘The government may have the numbers’, says mate on Facebook like he’s Laura f**king Kuenssberg or something

author avatar by 4 years ago
NewsThump Needs Your Help

A mate on Facebook has declared that ‘the government may have the numbers’ like he’s Laura f**king Kuenssberg staked out in the House of Commons giving the sort of high-level political insight that really helps normal people understand the current political situation.

Simon Williams deigned to grant his insight to his forty-odd Facebook friends shortly after the Government won the second reading of its Brexit bill.

His astonishing revelation follows a post containing a considered think-piece that he composed on the toilet about the nature of referendums, in which he cribs from an Andrew Ranswley Observer article and uses the word referenda twice, and another post containing an impenetrable graph that he seemed to believe was of consequence.

“I mean, it’s fine that Si has got an opinion and puts it out on Facebook and that,” explained Eleanor Gay, who is forced to be Williams’ Facebook friend due to family ties.

“But he really isn’t Laura f**king Kuenssberg, he’s a mid-level software engineer from Chelmsford.

NewsThump best selling notebooks

“Copy and pasting a Wikipedia piece on 1973 fishing rights doesn’t make me think he’s one of the great political thinkers of our times.

“And starting a Facebook post with the sentence – ‘just to explain’ – is not going to make me read it.

“’The government may have the numbers’ – of course the government may have the numbers, we all know the government may have the numbers because its been on the radio all day.”

Mr Williams was undeterred and continued his quest to give political insight to his Facebook friends with a post entitled ‘The journey back to European stability’ and some sort of pie-chart.